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Self Love Series Part 2

Self Love Series

This month, we're doing a Series on Self Love at the request of Monica Carr of Momentality Moments. Monica is in the US, and I started writing blogs for her in 2013. She's on a big drive in 2014 to help her readers realise the importance of loving yourself.

For Self Love Series Part 1, go to Monica's beautiful blog at MomentalityMoments.

How can we learn self-love?

Unfortunately, beliefs formed in the subconscious in our early years do not easily change by thinking rationally, or by someone outside telling you that you are lovable.

Has someone ever told you “But you ARE lovable/beautiful/amazing/wonderful/thin!” when you simply don’t believe it inside? Did those person’s words help you to change your mind? I bet not.

We have to find ways to “talk” to the subconscious mind when we want to change those deep-seated and limiting beliefs. That’s a whole different topic to go into and for now, I’d like you to just start remembering that it takes time, patience, kindness and compassion.

Start by being your own best friend. What would your best friend say every time you think “I’m stupid”? Start with awareness by noticing when you judge or criticize yourself, and immediately change that thought to a kind one towards yourself.

If you notice yourself thinking “I’m an idiot – why did I do that?” change that to “It’s okay, I’m still learning and I’ll get there”.

Why is self-love important?

Louise Hay says it best again:

  • “When we really love ourselves, everything in our life works”
  • “Self-approval and self-acceptance in the now are the key to positive changes”
  • “Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives”

What happens when we don’t love ourselves?

Have you heard it said that “everything is a mirror”? It’s true. A lack of self-love leads to numerous problems, challenges and issues in our lives. Louise Hay says “When people come to me with a problem, I don’t care what it is – poor health, lack of money, unfulfilling relationships or stifled creativity – there is only one thing I ever work on and that is LOVING THE SELF”. (You can Heal your Life, page 14)

Take a quick look around your own life. Are your money affairs in order? How’s your health? Your career? Your relationships? Do your partner, children, boss treat you with respect? What do you imagine your self-love meter is and how does it reflect on what’s manifesting in your life?

“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.” ~W.C. Fields

If you feel unworthy, people can press on those “unworthy” buttons. And not only can they, they will. You’ll continuously come up against situations that LET you feel unworthy and unvalued. If you hate yourself, nothing you try to cover it up will work.

“Scarcity of self -value cannot be remedied by money, recognition, affection, attention or influence.” ~Gary Zukav

“You can’t build joy on a feeling of self-loathing. “ ~Ram Dass

Ways to gain self-love

There are a number of ways that can work. I’d like you also to remember that it does take patience, kindness, compassion for yourself and perseverance to change the patterns that started in our childhood.


These are words that you’d like to start believing, and may not yet be true for you. Try one of the following and say it over, and over, and over for many days in a row, whether you believe it or not right now

  • “I love myself for I am a beloved child of the universe and the universe lovingly takes care of me now”- Louise Hay
  • “I choose to start loving myself in small ways”
  • “I choose to feel worthy of my own love and respect”

An effective tool like EFT

  • With EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), we can remove any blocks to loving yourself
  • We do this by removing the emotional charge we still feel when we remember childhood events that cause us distress (like a memory where your Mom or Dad gave you the feeling that you were unlovable)
  • For deep-seated issues, please ask an EFT professional to help you to work through traumatic events. We have to be kind with ourselves and the inner child and get the help we deserve in order to clear trauma and tough memories

Kindness and Compassion

If we did grow up in a household for judgement, fear and criticism were the norm, it is often really tough to work on this issue of self-love all by yourself. We did not get to learn how to be kind or compassionate with ourselves. Often, it’s really hard to haul up memories of fear, trauma and unkindness when you’re alone. Please do get the help of someone you trust, an EFT or other professional, who can help you to feel safe and nurtured while you do your inner healing work.

While it may seem like you just don’t want to haul up those unpleasant memories, there are wonderful and safe ways this can be done in a caring, professional environment. The inner work is worth it a thousand times over.

What area of your life needs upgrading? Remember Louise Hay’s words:

“No matter what the problem is, there is only one thing I ever work on and that is LOVING THE SELF”


You can Heal your Life. Louise L. Hay. 1984.

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